Hasty Reader

Does he want a serios relationship or is he using you?

The real problem with this question is that by overthinking you run the real risk of chasing away the good guys, attracting the bad ones or misinterpreting a breakup as him using you.

Sometimes, good guys show some behaviors typical of players who just want to use you. Other times, you’ll find a guy that does all the things an A+ boyfriend would do, only to find out months later that he was stringing you all along.

Point is, it’s impossible to have a 100% success rate figuring out if a guy is serious about you or not. Sometimes you’ll get burned, sometimes you’ll chase away the serious guy who just can express himself properly. You have to make peace with yourself that sometimes you’ll make the wrong choice – and that’s ok.

Another thing to consider is that guys will try to use you in more ways than just physical intimacy. Some guys use you because they’re lonely or bored, and you’re an easy way to pass the time until they meet someone who they think is “better”.

Other guys will be caught up in weird emotional dramas and they’ll use you to make their ex girlfriend (or even current girlfriend) jealous, or as a way to “get even”. Other times, you’ll be caught up in a rebound relationship while they get back on their feet. 

He might even use you is for the money, or other practical advantages like having a place to stay.

And as painful as it may be, in case of a breakup you have to consider that the guy was serious in his intentions, but ended things because he believed the two of you weren’t compatible in the long run.

Taking all of this into account, how can you tell if a guy wants a serious relationship, or is just using you? As a rule of thumb, watch what he does, not what he says.

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“I can’t stop thinking about my ex” – this isn’t the phrase people like to attach to a breakup.

Breakups are almost always painful, even the ones that end bad or toxic relationships. In these cases, you’d think a person would finally be happy for cutting contact with a negative element in their lives.

You mind knows the breakup had to happen. And yet, something within pulls your hearstrings: “Did it really have to end?”, “Maybe I should have tried more?”, “What if things would have worked out in the end?”.

Sometimes these feelings are so overpowering, you go back to someone who makes you feel pain or frustration or disappointment.

But not all relationships that end are toxic. Maybe the people involved were good people, kind to each other, compatible. But a breakup still happened.

It’s strangely easy to justify a breakup when you’re inside a relationship. But what if you breakup and then get hit by that overwhelming moment of clarity where you just know a catastrophic mistake has just happened.

Can you recover that person? Can you find somebody like them again?  Can things go back to how they were?

Do you want to give it another chance?

Many relationships that are happy today have had a tumultuous past – that included breakups. Thinking about an ex constantly could be a sign that maybe the relationship had life in it still, and it’s worth giving it another chance.

On the other hand, most breakups happen for very good reasons. Chances are yours is one of these too and all you have to do now is find the strength to cope with the post-breakup pain.

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