“Should I block my ex’s number and social media?”
It’s a good question, and some people would say to simply block the ex and be done with it. But it’s not so simple.
Lots of couples have navigated through a painful breakup, only to get back together and end up in a very happy and committed relationship. Some say people never change and that may be true. But what’s also true is that people learn from their experiences (usually).
Perhaps you and your ex were a good match, but just weren’t mature enough to make it work. Now that some time has passed and some lessons are learned, perhaps things might work out differently.
On the other hand, it’s also possible your ex was a royal douche bag that needs to be blocked out of your harmonious existence.
In any case, at least now you have some emotional space to think things clearly, and figure out your next step.
4 reasons to NOT block your ex
You want to give it another try, but the ex needs to show they want it
Overall, you believe the relationship had potential and your ex was generally a good person that you might still be compatible with.
The biggest stumbling block however is that your ex either didn’t want to commit, kept doing something that rubbed you the wrong way, simply took you for granted or a combination of all these plus other reasons.
As thing stand right now, you are ok if the breakup remains permanent. However, you would be willing to give the ex and the relationship another try if they approached you and at least promised to work on the things that broke you apart the last time.
Being in this situation doesn’t mean you’re playing games and trying to manipulate the ex. The problems that separated you and the ex are genuine relationship deal breakers for you that make it impossible for the two of you to be a couple. But if you remove those issues, a happy relationship might just be within reach.
In the end, even the happiest, most fulfilling relationships, hit dangerous rough patches that need to be sorted out first. Perhaps this is the rough patch that you and the ex are facing.
You’re playing mind games with the ex
Relationships are funny business and the people involved can often enter a war of egos to see who has the upper hand in the whole thing. As they say, “whoever cares the least has the more power”.
This can often lead to situations where the two people involved use breakups as a weapon to punish the other person into making concessions and win the ego war. Sometimes, outright blocking the other person (and watching them crawl back) is the next step in this conflict of pride.
Unfortunately, everybody can enter this sort of relationship dynamic. Even two perfectly normal and good people can become like this. There’s just something in their personalities that drives each other up the wall.
If you believe this might be you, consider taking a step back and see if this dynamic applies to you and the ex.
If it does, don’t block the ex. Try breaking the cycle of miscommunication and pride and straight talk with them. Perhaps it will work. If this is the case you may enter a long cycle of rebuilding trust, establishing healthy boundaries and finding communication patterns that work for you.
In the end, there are other, better ways to rebuild a broken relationship instead of outright blocking the ex.
Just as likely however is that the relationship is too far gone and impossible to rebuild. But at least you tried fixing it one more time.
You need some time alone to figure things out
Sometimes you meet the right person at the wrong time. In this case, the breakup was a necessary move to leave the emotional turmoil, clear your head and figure out what went wrong.
You don’t know if you want to get back with him / her. But you do know 100% that you need time alone to process the wounds of the relationship breakup.
Who knows? Maybe you are the reason the relationship broke up in the first place. Or maybe it’s mostly the ex’s fault. Or perhaps both of you are equally responsible.
This time alone allows you to learn from your experiences in peace and quiet and become a better romantic partner. If your ex has been doing the same thing, then you can give it another chance and consider this breakup a reset.
Not blocking your ex in this case leaves the door open, and tells your ex that you’re not bitter enough to cut all communication, and that maybe, just maybe, things can be worked out.
It was a clean breakup, and you would like to remain friends
Some breakups happen because two people don’t work well as a couple, but are compatible as friends, maybe even good ones. It would be a shame to block an ex’s phone number or social media if a promising friendship could appear.
Sometimes, both people figure this out simultaneously. Other times, one person was more involved emotionally than the other and needs more time to adjust to being just friends.
If you think this might be you, and think your connection to your ex is heading towards friendship, you first need to ask yourself a few questions:
Deep down, do you think a romantic relationship with your ex would ever work out? If the answer is yes, you aren’t ready for a friendship with them. The potential for a new relationship with the ex will always be at the back of your mind and you’ll treat them as a crush more than a friend.
Can your ex treat you as just a friend, and nothing more? You need to be as certain about this as possible, otherwise you’ll risk being ambushed by an “I never stopped loving you” phrase and figuring that one out won’t be fun.
Do you actually like this person as a friend?
If you are absolutely, 100% sure the answers to all questions are no-yes-yes then don’t block your ex and enjoy your new found friendship.
8 reasons to BLOCK your ex’s phone or social media
Block your ex for your own well-being and inner peace
The ending stages of many breakups can often seem like contests of sorts, to see which person cares the least. In these cases, blocking can give the sensation that the ex somehow “won” the competition.
Basically, popular belief says that by blocking the ex, you indirectly admit that you were the one more affected by the loss, the one that was more emotionally invested in the relationship.
By contrast, the ex supposedly came out of this pretty ok. Thus, the ex somehow “won” this invisible war of emotions.
This of course, doesn’t make sense. By acting as if someone can win the breakup, you are still trapped in the bad habits of the relationship – to see who is more proud, who is better, who is right, who cares more etc.
That defies the purpose of a breakup. Ultimately, a breakup is about removing every single negative element of a relationship out of your life – the mind games, annoying habits, bad routines, everything.
By acting as if there’s some sort of competition to see who wins the breakup, you are essentially still living according to the rules of the relationship.
In these cases, the solution is to simply block outright and not care how you are perceived. If you don’t block your ex (even though deep down you want to), this means you are essentially still prioritizing the past relationship instead of your own well-being and recovery.
If you feel this is you, and that you need block to get over the relationship faster, then do it. Your own well-being and happiness are the first things you should be concerned about.
The ex is trying to pull your heartstrings
Some exes engage in toxic behavior even after the breakup. They’ll post things on social media that obviously involve you, but don’t actually say your name, such as:
On other occasions they might even post photos of their new relationship very soon after the two of you have broken up.
Of course they know what they’re doing. Through their actions, they’re basically broadcasting to the world that they’re over you and happy, and might also try to make you jealous with the new person they’re dating.
If your ex engages in this sort of behavior, then it’s a safe to say that blocking them is fine. At the very least, you can unfollow them or unfriend from Facebook. By doing so, you cut them off and all of their attempts to get under your skin.
The ex is toxic, but charming
Some people have that rare gift of being both charming and assholes at the same time. In the first phase of the relationship, you only get to see the charming and innocent side of them.
But then the mask falls off and they reveal their true selves: abusive, indifferent, very high maintenance, controlling, jealous, possessive, demeaning etc.
Rationally, your mind clearly knows the person is very damaging to you. But they have this irresistible charm that gets under your skin and makes you feel as if you were the bad guy (or girl) in the whole thing.
If you do breakup, they know how to guilt trip you and push your buttons to bring you back in a relationship.
If your ex is like this, the best approach is to simply block. Don’t give them the opportunity to sweet talk you, throw empty promises, guilt trip or gaslight you.
Stop the breakup – back together – breakup cycle
Some people have extraordinary physical chemistry, but their personalities simply do not match for any sort of long term relationship. Taken separately, they can both be decent people, good people even. But when put together they bring out the worst in each other, instead of the best.
What often happens is that they’ll engage in this very long cycle of breaking up only to get back together again. This happens so many times, they lose count.
So why do they get back together? The chemistry is simply there. Sometimes, the drama and emotional rollercoasters themselves can be addictive.
There comes a point however where the bad times far outweigh the good ones. You’re simply burnt out. The best solution in this case is to simply block the ex. It’s not because they’re bad people, but because any relationship that involves the two of you is sure to become toxic.
You want closure
Your relationship broke up, and there seems to be little to no contact between you and the ex. And yet, you can’t stop reliving the past and wondering where it all went wrong. You know it’s over, but the memory of the relationship still haunts you.
In this case, blocking the ex on social media and even their phone number, is your way of obtaining closure, to avoid seeing updates of their lives and prevent you from having “what if questions”. It can be hard to forget and move on from a past relationship if you keep visiting the ex’s social profiles.
In the end, the phrase “out of sight, out of mind” absolutely applies here.
The ex needs closure
Perhaps you realized the relationship wasn’t right for you and decided to end things. Emotionally, it was pretty painless and within a week you’re back to normal.
The ex however, isn’t so lucky. Perhaps they thought you were the One and keep trying to win you back. They call frequently, send you messages, tag you in social media profiles, ask your friends about you etc.
It’s not a dignified situation for either of you, but love has a way of making us drop our normal standards.
If this is your ex, be kind to them. Tell him / her firmly that the relationship is over and that there’s no chance to get back together. If they still insist, block them.
Blocking them is the clearest way possible for you to communicate that a relationship is not an option. The ex will likely understand that it’s not possible to have a relationship with someone that doesn’t want to communicate.
It’s may sound cruel, but it’s not. On the contrary, blocking a broken-hearted ex is the moment their healing process truly begins. They finally get closure and can begin to move on.
You want to block, but feel guilty doing it
Deep down, you know you want to block your ex and that doing so will greatly help your healing process.
However, you feel guilty at the thought of blocking your ex. You wonder what they will think, and imagine that they’ll feel hurt, or that they might want to contact you again and can’t do so.
If you had a bad relationship, where most of the fault was with the ex, then think about all times they failed and hurt you. You broke the relationship for a reason: to put yourself first, and you don’t owe the ex any consideration or care for their own feelings.