“Should I block my ex’s number and social media?”
It’s a good question, and some people would say to simply block the ex and be done with it. But it’s not so simple.
Lots of couples have navigated through a painful breakup, only to get back together and end up in a very happy and committed relationship. Some say people never change and that may be true. But what’s also true is that people learn from their experiences (usually).
Perhaps you and your ex were a good match, but just weren’t mature enough to make it work. Now that some time has passed and some lessons are learned, perhaps things might work out differently.
On the other hand, it’s also possible your ex was a royal douche bag that needs to be blocked out of your harmonious existence.
In any case, at least now you have some emotional space to think things clearly, and figure out your next step.
3 reasons to NOT block your ex
You want to give it another try, but the ex needs to show they want it
Overall, you believe your ex is a good person but is just rough around the edges. You’re willing to give them another chance, but they need to make an effort first as a proof that they genuinely care.
At the same time, it’s also possible that you yourself would like to reach out at some point. It’s just that you’re still figuring out when and how.
As mentioned before, there’s nothing wrong with this. Plenty of couples got back together only to become stronger and happier than ever. Yours might be one too. In the end, that’s how relationships work: some are messy and require a lot of figuring out, while others just click from the start.
However, you have to keep one thing in mind. Breaking up just to force the ex to make a move means you’re playing power games in the relationship. This isn’t a healthy relationship behavior.
Healthy relationships communicate wants and needs kindly, after which the people act on them. Ultimatums and breakup gambles erode trust. They also discourage emotional investment into the relationship because the other person might think it can end at any time, for any reason.
You need some time alone to figure things out
Sometimes you meet the right person at the wrong time. In this case, the breakup was a necessary move to leave the emotional turmoil, clear your head and figure out what went wrong.
You don’t know if you want to get back with him / her. But you do know 100% that you need time alone to process the wounds of the relationship breakup.
Who knows? Maybe you are the reason the relationship broke up in the first place. Or maybe it’s mostly the ex’s fault. Or perhaps both of you are equally responsible.
This time alone allows you to learn from your experiences in peace and quiet. If your ex has been doing the same thing, then you can give it another chance and consider this breakup a reset.
Not blocking your ex in this case leaves the door open, and tells your ex that you’re not bitter enough to cut all communication, and that maybe, just maybe, things can be worked out.
It was a clean breakup, and you would like to remain friends
Some breakups happen because two people don’t work well as a couple, but are compatible as friends, maybe even good ones. It would be a shame to block an ex’s phone number or social media if a promising friendship could appear.
Sometimes, both people figure this out simultaneously. Other times, one person was more involved emotionally than the other and needs more time to adjust to being just friends.
If you think this might be you, and think your connection to your ex is heading towards friendship, you first need to ask yourself a few questions:
Deep down, do you think a romantic relationship with your ex would ever work out? If the answer is yes, you aren’t ready for a friendship with them. The potential for a new relationship with the ex will always be at the back of your mind and you’ll treat them as a crush more than a friend.
Can your ex treat you as just a friend, and nothing more? You need to be as certain about this as possible, otherwise you’ll risk being ambushed by an “I never stopped loving you” phrase and figuring that one out won’t be fun.
Do you actually like this person as a friend?
If you are absolutely, 100% sure the answers to all questions are no-yes-yes then don’t block your ex and enjoy your new found friendship.
5 reasons to BLOCK your ex’s phone or social media
The ex is a bad person, but very, very charming
Some people have that rare gift of being both charming and assholes at the same time. In the first phase of the relationship, you only get to see the charming and innocent side of them.
But then the mask falls off and they reveal their true selves: abusive, indifferent, very high maintenance, controlling, jealous, possessive, demeaning etc.
Rationally, your mind clearly knows the person is very damaging to you. But they have this irresistible charm that gets under your skin and makes you feel as if you were the bad guy in the whole thing.
Even if they don’t guilt trip you, they know how to push your buttons and how to bring you back in a relationship.
If your ex is like this, the best approach is to simply block. Don’t give them the opportunity to sweet talk you, throw empty promises, guilt trip you or engage in gaslighting.
Stop the breakup – back together – breakup cycle
Some people have extraordinary physical chemistry, but their personalities simply do not match for any sort of long term relationship. Taken separately, they can both be decent people, good people even. But when put together they bring out the worst in each other, instead of the best.
What often happens is that they’ll engage in this very long cycle of breaking up only to get back together again. This happens so many times, they lose count.
So why do they get back together? The chemistry is simply there. Sometimes, the drama and emotional rollercoasters themselves can be addictive.
There comes a point however where the bad times far outweigh the good ones. You’re simply burnt out. The best solution in this case is to simply block the ex. It’s not because they’re bad people, but because any relationship that involves the two of you is sure to become toxic.
You want closure
Your relationship broke up, and there seems to be little to no contact between you and the ex. And yet, you can’t stop reliving the past and wondering where it all went wrong. You know it’s over, but the memory of the relationship still haunts you.
In this case, blocking the ex on social media and even their phone number, is your way of obtaining closure, to avoid seeing updates of their lives and prevent you from having “what if questions”. It can be hard to forget and move on from a past relationship if you keep visiting the ex’s social profiles.
In the end, the phrase “out of sight, out of mind” absolutely applies here.
The ex needs closure
Perhaps you realized the relationship wasn’t right for you and decided to end things. Emotionally, it was pretty painless and within a week you’re back to normal.
The ex however, isn’t so lucky. Perhaps they thought you were the One and keep trying to win you back. They call frequently, send you messages, tag you in social media profiles, ask your friends about you etc.
It’s not a dignified situation for either of you, but love has a way of making us drop our normal standards.
If this is your ex, be kind to them. Tell him / her firmly that the relationship is over and that there’s no chance to get back together. If they still insist, block them.
Blocking them is the clearest way possible for you to communicate that a relationship is not an option. The ex will likely understand that it’s not possible to have a relationship with someone that doesn’t want to communicate.
It’s may sound cruel, but it’s not. On the contrary, blocking a broken-hearted ex is the moment their healing process truly begins. They finally get closure and can begin to move on.