She Cancelled The Date: 5 Elegant Ways to Respond

In general, a girl canceling first or second date plans without rescheduling is not a good sign. Even though it might sting, you must accept you’ll probably never go on a date with her anymore.

However, not all hope is lost. While the chances of success are now slim, a well-thought-out response might convince a girl to change her mind.

In other cases, it’s possible the girl canceled the date for actually legitimate reasons. In this case, you should reply in a way that doesn’t make you seem overly eager, but at the same time, doesn’t push her away with stone-cold indifference.

As with anything in dating, it’s a fine line for guys to walk.

0. Did she cancel the first or second date?

This is useful to know because it can point out the true reason she cancelled the date.  

Thus, the most likely reason she cancelled on the first date is because:

Option 1: She probably changed her mind without you doing anything.

Option 2: You said something she found off-putting while talking before the date.

Option 3: She cancelled your date to go with someone else. This may be unpleasant to read, but plenty of women (and men) do this, so it’s best to be prepared.

Option 4: You didn’t talk with her at all in the days before the actual date.

Option 5: Too much time passed between the moment you arranged the date and the actual date, and so she cooled off on the whole idea.

So there’s quite a few things to unpack here. It really depends on your particular situation, but also the girl you’re speaking with. 

The situation is simpler if the two of you already had a first date, but she cancelled the second one.

In that case, the most plausible explanation is that she believed the two of you aren’t compatible. 

She probably wasn’t 100% sure of this after the first date, so she agreed on the second one. However, in the days between the first and second date she processed things at her own pace and decided that it’s best to cancel further plans.

It sucks, but there might still be a way to turn things around. It’s not guaranteed, but the way you respond might increase your chances.

And in case you’re wondering, cancelling the third date and onward is mostly outside the scope of this article, since it’s too particular to your situation.

1. Try changing plans

If she gave you an excuse for cancelling the date, then one approach is to change date plans, but without asking her to reschedule.

For example, if you planned a walk in the park but she cancelled because she’s tired or a bit sick, then offer instead to go have a tea or coffee at a relaxed cafe instead. Bonus points if its a place she mentioned in the past, since she might be comfortable going there.

Of course, this depends on what excuse she gave you to cancel the date. Sometimes you’ll find an angle, sometimes you wont.

2. Let her reschedule

If you’re not particularly interested in her, then you should act cool and see if she wants to reschedule the date on her own.

After all, she needs to put in some effort too, or at least make it apparent she’s sorry and wants to make up for it. 

If she gave weak excuses for cancelling the date (or even no excuse at all), then send a simple text such as “Thanks a lot for telling me. Do you want to reschedule?”.

That should be enough to put the ball in her court and have her make a decision.

If she cancelled the date for reasons you find to be serious, then offer some empathy, any useful advice you might have, and ask her to update you on how things got sorted out. 

The idea is not to appear cold and dismissive if she’s actually having a serious problem.

She’ll probably never reply, but if she does, you’ll know she’s still interested.

3. Try to reschedule, but only once

One problem with letting a girl reschedule is that most of them won’t follow-up (unless they’re really attracted to you) because they still want to feel pursued and enjoy playing hard to get.

If you don’t want to give up just yet and feel comfortable playing her game, then act cool with the cancellation. 

Don’t ask for an excuse if she didn’t give one, just take initiative and reschedule the date at a different time and place. 

If it’s a yes, you’ll know. If she dodges the question and throws “maybes” or “I don’t knows” then interpret it as a hard no. 

And finally, only ask to reschedule once. The idea behind this is so that you don’t get too hung up on her. After all, she must want you too. 

4. If you’re bored, reach out again in a few days or weeks

Finally, if you’re curious, bored and want to test out your luck, you could reach out to her again to reschedule a date after a week or so of no contact. 

Nothing might come of it, but then again, you won’t lose anything either

5. Don’t bother trying to maintain a conversation

A huge mistake many men make when facing an ambiguous answer from a girl is to double down and try to turn it into a yes.

“Maybes”, “I don’t knows” and similar such ambiguous phrases are girl’s ways of saying no, and it’s almost impossible to get them to change their mind once that happens.

To be honest, men do this too. Think of a girl you would never go on a date with, and imagine her trying to force a conversation with you hoping you’ll go on a date.

Same situation applies here. Trying to maintain a conversation with a girl who isn’t interested in a date is extremely exhausting, both in time and emotions.

That’s why you should never really do it. Anything that isn’t a clear, unambiguous “yes” should be interpreted as a firm “no”. 

If a girl is interested in going on a date, she will clear up her schedule to find a time for it. If she really cannot go on a date on a certain day, she herself will propose some other day for the date.

If she doesn’t do that and always find excuse and flakes on dates, then stop messaging her and move on to greener pastures.

6. Dating is a number’s game

Like it or not, dating has become a number’s game, where guys are pretty much forced to cast a wide net and talk to countless girls (simultaneously, I might add) until they click with a girl that is compatible and equally interested.

Some guys like this process, some do not. Whichever category you are in, remember not to get too invested in this. 

Learn from each experience, try stuff out, figure out what you’re doing wrong, what you’re doing right and grow from there.